beyondpanic's diary

beyondpanic's Diaryland Diary

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Trillion dollar lottery

So, imagine that for years you dream about winning the trillion dollar lottery and one fine day, you do win! You win the big jackpot, the trillion bucks and the guy from the state goes to hand you that big cardboard check and you take one look at it and you start to dry heave and perspire and shit and shake and cry and you run the other way and shout, No, I donít want it Ė you can keep it! Sounds crazy, huh?

And then you dream for another two years about winning the trillion bucks and you win and the guy goes to hand you the check and you start to dry heave and perspire and shit and shake and cry and you run the other way and shout, No, I donít want it Ė you can keep it!

And this happens two more times and each time you think youíll keep the money when you win and you do win and then you run away again.

And each time you donít know why you just canít keep the damn money because you know it would make you happy Ė but your fucking anxiety keeps you from having this joy.

So, thatís what happened and Iím so sad right now that I just donít know when Iíll ever be able to even pet someone elseís dog.

Iím just so sad.

9:19 p.m. - July 10, 2007
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