beyondpanic's diary

beyondpanic's Diaryland Diary

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Ribbit


Valentine’s Day is tomorrow.

Valentines make me think of love which makes me think of sex which makes me think of my complete naiveté when it came to sex and why I was a virgin when I married my husband 30 years ago.

My mom was raised in a Catholic orphanage and so you can imagine that sex was not a comfortable subject for her. One day, when I was about 12 years old I ran home from school to watch Dark Shadows. Barnabas was just about to sink his teeth into the governess, Victoria, when suddenly my mother appeared in front of me clutching a small yellow book. She swiftly thrust the book into my hand, whispered, “We’ll talk about it when you’re done reading”, and ran out of the room. It was like a drug deal going down in my living room.

The book was entitled “A Doctor Talks to 6 to 9 Year Olds”.

…I was 12. ahem

I didn’t know why the doctor wanted to talk to the little children, so I flipped through the pages until I came to a grainy black and white photo of a frog mounting another frog. The caption below read something like “The male mounts the female, grips her tightly and fertilizes the egg with his sperm outside of the body.”

…I still had no idea what this book was about until I spied the scientific drawings of the human male's reproductive organ when flacid and then erect. WHAT THE HELL?????????????????????

The caption below read: “The husband lies next to the wife until he gets hard enough to enter her body. He then mounts the woman, grips her tightly and fertilizes the egg with his sperm inside of the body.”

I SWEAR TO GOD THAT’S WHAT IT SAID!!!! Alright, maybe that’s not exactly what it said, but it was pretty close to that. I was absolutely horrified!! I slammed the book shut and avoided my mother and ponds for a long time after that.

Mom and I never did have that talk and I don’t think I’ve ever forgiven her for that damn book. It totally srewed me up! I can’t even look at a frog today without a feeling of revulsion...or…arousal – I’m not sure what it is!

…and now you know why I was a virgin when I married my husband 30 years ago.

Ribbit.

5:32 p.m. - February 13, 2008
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