beyondpanic's diary

beyondpanic's Diaryland Diary

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Mother's Day...shudder

Not really looking forward to Mothers’ Day this year. Of course, I've never liked that holiday. My sisters spoiled it for me when I was a kid. One Mothers' Day when I was about 9 years old, the CYO sold silk flowers outside of church. A pink flower was for a living Mom and a white flower was to show your Mom was deceased. I was not aware of the color differences, so I bought my Mom both a white and pink rose. My sisters hissed at me all through Mass that the reason I bought my Mom a white one was because I wanted her to die. They also announced that to my Mom when I gave her the two roses. I remember crying my eyes out and telling my Mom that I didn't want her to die. Ever since then I have hated that holiday and now I just want to be left alone on that day to read or watch a movie or take a nap.

The biggest reason I'm dreading it now is, of course, this whole mess with my mom and the driving. She called my son today looking for a ride home and when my daughter told her that S.J. was working, she got really quiet and said that she would just walk home. My daughter could tell that she was angry. So there’s the guilt. Of course, I’m working until 7:30, so I would not have been able to drive her but…

Oh, my Dad’s surgery went well. I called him yesterday and he said he is able to urinate without the catheter. That is a HUGE event, seeing as how he’s had a catheter for several months now. He sounded great and really strong. It would be so nice if he could start visiting again – of course they won’t come to my house ‘cause my Mom hates me. Hey, I sent her a Mother’s Day card – do you think she’s going to destroy it?

So, I upped my meds yesterday and last night I had a hard time sleeping, but maybe that will eventually resolve itself. I didn’t get the jimmy legs, so that’s a good thing – and so far, I don’t have any hives.

One thing I thought was funny was that I came home from work and there was this adorable white poodle running around my yard. I jumped out of the car and called to him and he came running over to me with a big ol’ smile on his face. I was petting him and thinking to myself, “Is this a sign – was he sent to me to show me that I won’t have another panic attack?” I was also wondering how I could steal him. Heeheehee – I’M JUST KIDDING!

His owner was visiting next door and he promptly ran over and apologized for the dog being on our property…so maybe it wasn’t a sign after all…or maybe it was.

19:17 - 2008-05-08
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