beyondpanic's diary

beyondpanic's Diaryland Diary

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Breakdown? Nah!

Despite the rain, I had a lovely weekend.

Friday was a dark, damp and dreary night, so when I arrived home from work around 5:30, I told my children that I was going upstairs to take a nap. My husband left for a camping weekend in the Pocono Mountains around 6:30 – I vaguely remember him kissing me goodbye – and I ended up sleeping until 7:30! It was lovely until my daughter woke me up to find out what we were eating for dinner.

We shared a mushroom pizza and then the kids went out with their friends and I settled in for a night of TV. I stayed up until well after midnight watching several episodes of one of those SPCA rescue shows.

I had coffee with the Diner Babes on Saturday morning and then stopped at the library, did a few yard sales, did a load of wash, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and then read on my swing for about an hour. I then went to TWO parties – one a housewarming for a co-worker of mine and the other an Irish themed 30th birthday party for one of the Diner Babes’ sons. I had a lot of fun at both and got home about 12:30.

Sunday was dedicated to my Hub. We spent all day together relaxing and watching movies and snacking and falling asleep while listening to the rain.

These are the kinds of weekends that I’ve been missing for years. I realized the other day that I am living my rebellious teenage years in my 50’s. I was the “good” daughter – I sat and watched my sisters make normal adolescent mistakes that my parents blew up into huge errors and I used to lie in bed at night listening to my mother cry and my Dad curse. And so I never did anything wrong – I always did what they told me to do. And now I’m not going to do it anymore – I’m pulling away from all of the rules and regulations.

Remember what my life has been – anything that I have ever done for my parents- - first it was appreciated, then it was expected, then it was demanded. I reached out for help and it was ignored by everyone but my husband and kids.

I haven’t had a breakdown – I’ve had a breakthrough!

15:44 - 2008-05-19
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