beyondpanic's Diaryland Diary
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Does Anyone There Speak Spanish?
I work for a health insurance company and these are some of the things that I�ve heard from our members lately:
�Does anyone speak Spanish there?� NO!
�How soon can I get my wife off of my plan after the divorce?� As soon as you can afford a good dad-gum lawyer!
�How can I make sure that my ex-wife doesn�t get any of my pension or death benefits?� Pray hard!
�My girlfriend is pregnant with my kid, so can I get insurance for her?� No, only the �kid� will be covered once it is born into your sorry family � your girlfriend is on her own.
�Does anyone speak Spanish there?� No!!
�What do you mean you don�t cover testing for sexually transmitted diseases under my routine benefits? I think everyone should be tested once a year for all of those diseases!� No, it is not covered routinely; perhaps, you should consider limiting your sexual partners!
�What do you mean you won�t pay for me to see a nutritionist? You�ll just let me get fatter and fatter until I qualify for a gastric bypass and then you�ll pay thousands of dollars for that!� Ahem�
�My doctor suggested swimming as a good exercise. Will the insurance pay for a swimming pool in my backyard?� <You wish!
Same voice as before� �My doctor suggested that a hot tub will help my back. Will the insurance pay for a hot tub in my backyard?� Nice try, asshole!
�Does anyone speak Spanish there?� No!!!
�My stump has shrunk and I need a new leg.� No comment
�What do you mean you won�t pay out more than $1750.00 a year for my daughter�s dental benefits? I guess you don�t care that her teeth are just crumbling in her mouth like rocks to sand!� Try putting her down for her nap without that bottle of grape soda!
�What do you mean you can�t talk to me about my wife�s claims? She is MY wife � I am the member � she wouldn�t have benefits if it weren�t for me � I�M the one who pays for this insurance�and what the hell is HIPAA????!� Yo, asshole, Did you check her teeth before you bought her � and how about her hooves?
�Does anyone speak Spanish there?� No!!!!
�and of course, my all time favorite which I have mentioned before�.�Does the insurance pay for husband�s sperm to be washed? Yes, with tiny washcloths
6:32 p.m. - Tuesday, Jul. 08, 2008
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