beyondpanic's diary

beyondpanic's Diaryland Diary

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Shrink Wrap


Had my weekly therapist appointment today.

Why did people use to call therapist shrinks?...or maybe they still do, I donít know.
Were they saying the therapist shrunk your brain? Because these sessions sure as hell donít shrink my brain. I enter the office, tell a funny anecdote of something that happened in my life this week and the next thing I know, Iím crying. Heís not shrinking my brain Ė heís throwing open doors and adding on new wings!

All I want is for him to tell me how to deal with the damn panic attacks so that I can get a dog. Thatís it Ė and actually, I think thatís a pretty simple thing to do. Every week I think to myself that Iím just going to talk to him about what I should do when I feel a panic attack coming on. I figure that should take 1 or 2 sessions and then Iíll be done.

Apparently, itís not that easy. He is trying to find out what sets me off so that I can deal with it and never freak out again. I just want an easy fix Ė a drug, a mantra, worry beads Ė something that wonít take a lot of time Ė something that wonít make me have to deal with some major issues in my life that I have been able to suppress for a long, long time. I donít want to deal with them Ė but I think he figures if I donít, Iíll never get better.

Damn.

So, you know all of that stuff that tickles the back of your brain and bothers you sometimes but youíre able to push it back, push it back, waaaaaay back (Oops, sorry, I just remembered a cheer from 6th grade cheerleading).

Well, if you want to keep it back, donít go to therapyÖbut then, of course, youíll never get that dog.

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My friend is having a Christmas party and he is inviting an old friend of his who performs in the Cirque de Soleil. I told him that I hoped she was just going to sit normally in a chair while I was there. I mean, really, if I walk into the diningroom to get a shrimp pot sticker, I don't want to see her standing on her head with one leg pointing east and the other leg pointing west. I'm also hoping that she doesn't wear something weird like a white spandex body suit with purple and gold paint splattered onto strategic areas. That would be extremely disconcerting...and rude!

10:25 p.m. - Thursday, Sept. 25, 2008
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