beyondpanic's diary

beyondpanic's Diaryland Diary

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My Lightbulb Moment

All week I had been emailing a woman from the SPCA who was fostering some beagle mix puppies that were rescued in South Carolina. We agreed to meet yesterday at the local SPCA. There were two beagles and myself and another woman were interested in them.

Hub and I arrived at the SPCA and were surprised to learn that the other interested woman was the mother of one of his Boy Scouts. While waiting for the foster mother, I decided to go into the SPCA to check out the other dogs.

This is a terrible place. It’s dark and it smells and just about every cage held a pitbull. I think it’s because we live so close to the city of Philadelphia. The city is full of people who buy pitbulls for fighting – more Michael Vicks. Maybe these are dogs that have been rescued or confiscated - all I know is that it was so depressing and those poor dogs just broke my heart.

The foster mom eventually showed up and the puppies were adorable. The other woman immediately grabbed the one that I was petting and said that she wanted it. I was OK with that because the other pup was just as cute..

I was absolutely fine – I walked the pup in the grass and scratched its’ soft ears and got a couple of kisses.

I was absolutely fine – I told the foster mom that I wanted him and agreed to go into the SPCA to start signing the papers.

I was absolutely fine until the other adopter said, “They’re a lot of work but they’re worth it.”

My stomach heaved and I broke out into a cold sweat. I felt like I was going to pass out. I immediately handed the dog to my husband and told him I needed to go out and get some air…..and while I was outside the truth finally hit me.

I want a pet, but at this point in my life, I don’t want any more responsibilities. I don’t want to have anyone or any dog depending on me for their well being. I have given so much of myself to my family over the years and I just don’t have anything else to give. I don’t want to worry about whether someone has been fed or walked or needs immunizations, etc. I am happy with my life and I don’t want to change it right now.

I raised my three kids by myself with little or no input from my husband and I just can not raise another child.

Thanks, Yankee Chick for the book shelf idea!

2:29 p.m. - Sunday, Oct. 05, 2008
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