beyondpanic's Diaryland Diary
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Shrink Wrap
Had my weekly therapist appointment today.
Why did people use to call therapist shrinks?...or maybe they still do, I don�t know.
Were they saying the therapist shrunk your brain? Because these sessions sure as hell don�t shrink my brain. I enter the office, tell a funny anecdote of something that happened in my life this week and the next thing I know, I�m crying. He�s not shrinking my brain � he�s throwing open doors and adding on new wings!
All I want is for him to tell me how to deal with the damn panic attacks so that I can get a dog. That�s it � and actually, I think that�s a pretty simple thing to do. Every week I think to myself that I�m just going to talk to him about what I should do when I feel a panic attack coming on. I figure that should take 1 or 2 sessions and then I�ll be done.
Apparently, it�s not that easy. He is trying to find out what sets me off so that I can deal with it and never freak out again. I just want an easy fix � a drug, a mantra, worry beads � something that won�t take a lot of time � something that won�t make me have to deal with some major issues in my life that I have been able to suppress for a long, long time. I don�t want to deal with them � but I think he figures if I don�t, I�ll never get better.
Damn.
So, you know all of that stuff that tickles the back of your brain and bothers you sometimes but you�re able to push it back, push it back, waaaaaay back (Oops, sorry, I just remembered a cheer from 6th grade cheerleading).
Well, if you want to keep it back, don�t go to therapy�but then, of course, you�ll never get that dog.
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My friend is having a Christmas party and he is inviting an old friend of his who performs in the Cirque de Soleil. I told him that I hoped she was just going to sit normally in a chair while I was there. I mean, really, if I walk into the diningroom to get a shrimp pot sticker, I don't want to see her standing on her head with one leg pointing east and the other leg pointing west. I'm also hoping that she doesn't wear something weird like a white spandex body suit with purple and gold paint splattered onto strategic areas. That would be extremely disconcerting...and rude!
10:25 p.m. - Thursday, Sept. 25, 2008
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