beyondpanic's diary

beyondpanic's Diaryland Diary



No Starbucks for 13 days

This is a copy of a letter that I sent to my son. Right now I really don't want him to respond to it.

Dear Popeye,

Iíve decided that Iím going to pretend that you live in another country and THAT is the only reason we arenít seeing or hearing from you. No ugly words have been spoken, no onesí feelings have been hurt, no one is angry at anyone else Ė Iím just pretending that you just donít have a phone right now and the only way Daddy and I can communicate with you is by letter.

If you donít respond to my letters, Iím just going to pretend that you live somewhere that doesnít have internet service and my letters will be read eventually.

The biggest thing about this ďpretendĒ thing is that you are under no obligation to write back to me if you donít want to. Iím not going to hold it against you - I have no hidden agenda.

Iím writing to you because I love you and I cannot erase you from my life.

Christmas came and went. The family gathered here on the Saturday after Christmas. We had Grand mom and Grand pop, Aunt Kathy and Uncle Alan, Aunt Patsy (no Uncle Jerome Ė he wasnít feeling well), Katie and her husband Seth, Tommy and his girlfriend Natalie, Jason and Justin and of course, Daddy and I, LJ and P and SJ.

You know, Tommy turned out to be a really nice and funny kid. He brought his coin and dollar bill collection in an old record album box. He was funny because he really kept a close watch on everyone who was handling his money.

Of course the gathering wasnít the same without you and your great sense of humor, but everyone sent good thoughts your way.

Weíre all so disappointed that the Eagles arenít going to the Superbowl. I bought myself a McNabb jersey and Iíve been wearing it for all of the games Ė I guess Iíll just put it away for next year.

Grand pop and Grand mom are doing pretty good. Weíre all going to their apartment on Saturday to celebrate his birthday. Last week SJ went up to the apartment to clean off Grand popís car and Grand pop came outside and started hitting at the icicles with his cane. The next thing you know, he slipped and fell on the ice. SJ ran around the car and picked him up. The next day he was really sore all over and was afraid that he had broken his wrist, but it was OK. Grand mom said he fell out of bed last week too. You know that heís driving again? I worry so much that heís going to take Grand mom to work and then fall going back into the building and no one will find him for a couple of hours, but he insists on driving, so thereís not much I can do but pray that heíll be OK.

Your Dad is so anxious about work as there are rumors that M has been sold to someone else. Heís not sleeping very well and his attempts at quitting smoking have been thwarted by stress too many times to count.

Well, Iím going to end here. Iíll write again next week. I hope you are doing well. I hope youíve had some relief with your back. I pray that the baby is doing well and I hope that you are happy.

Remember, you are under no obligation to write back to me Ė I just want to make sure that you realize that we love you Ė you are our son Ė you are a part of us no matter how far away from us that you are (mentally or physically)- and we think about you every day.

10:24 p.m. - Monday, Jan. 26, 2009


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