beyondpanic's diary

beyondpanic's Diaryland Diary

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Modern Medicine

I’ve been taking my medication for anxiety/depression/panic attacks/hysteria for almost two years and I continue to be amazed at how it has changed my life.

Before the meds, I was rapidly becoming more agoraphobic. Fewer vacations away from home, more parties turned down, promotions declined, friendships ignored, more time spent reading on the couch, following the same, safe routine day after day after day after day. I dreaded the unexpected.

I remember sitting on the beach (our last family vacation away), crying and counting down the days until I could go back home – back to my safe place – away from the unknown. I wasn’t noticing the blue skies, the sun sparkling on the water, the tanned hunks flexing their muscles on the lifeguard stands. I spent one whole day of that vacation cleaning the rented condo while my husband went to the beach with our kids – I didn’t feel like I was wasting a day – I felt safe in the routine of cleaning.

The meds have enabled me to handle the unexpected. My granddaughter was born and my Dad was admitted to the hospital in the same month and I didn’t freak out! I had normal happy reactions to her birth and normal sad reactions to his illness. Nothing that sent me to the couch in the fetal position.

I rode in a car for 14 hours (to and from) to see “my baby”, stayed in a hotel that I found on the internet and just “winged it” every day. I visit my Dad, talk to the nurses and place my trust in God that my Dad is in His hands.

Normal reactions – who would have “thunk” it? I thank God every day for modern medicine.

8:48 p.m. - September 12, 2007
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