beyondpanic's diary

beyondpanic's Diaryland Diary

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Old Friends

Remember when I told you that the old boyfriend had asked me out to lunch for my birthday? Well, I had nicely turned him down, but he has called me once or twice since then, ďjust to talkĒ.

I just heard that his Mom died and now I donít know if I should go to the funeral or not. I definitely wouldnít go to the viewing Ďcause his kids know who I am and that would be kind of uncomfortable walking through the line to offer my condolences. Also, he ended up marrying my best friend (they are now divorced) so I sure as hell would not want to run into her!

I could sneak into the funeral Ė our church is big enough that I could probably hide somewhere in the back, and I know that he would know I was there. Iíve know him since I was 14 years old and I know he is devastated by his motherís death.

Itís weird and itís something Iíve never mentioned to my husband Ė so those of you who do know me, I would ask that you not repeat what I am about to write here. I can walk into church on Sunday and I will know without even looking around the church that he is at the same Mass that I am at whether itís 9:00 or 10:30 or 12:00 Mass.

I can drive down the street and Iíll know that he is going to be coming up the other way.

I know when he is around. Months can pass without me ďfeelingĒ this, and the next thing I know, heís where I am and I am aware of it for a few minutes before I actually see him.

I donít know what to make of it Öand I donít plan to make anything of it, but I just had to write it down.

I doubt that Iíll go, but Iíll feel bad about it.

17:18 - 2008-04-29
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