beyondpanic's diary

beyondpanic's Diaryland Diary


Against Dr's advice

My laptop is still not fixed, I'm writing at work between phone calls regarding whether we pay for nail debridements and sperm washing. Of course our fire walls are up and there are only two blogs that I'm able to read here at work - everything else is denied.

My psychiatrist had increased my meds, but this morning, I decided to go back to my normal dosage. I've fallen three times in the last month and my shoulder is KILLING me! All I've done for the last month is eat and sleep, eat and sleep, eat and sleep. I feel like SHI+!. So, I've made this decision and I'll tell the Doc when I see him on Monday. I haven't been able to see my therapist yet as his hours and mine just are not connecting, but I'm hoping that when I change my late night from Tuesday to Thursday, I'll be able to see him then.

Of course, emotionally, it probably wouldn't hurt for me to be on the extra meds right now. My "baby" went to his Senior Prom on Saturday night and now he is up in the Pocono mountains with a bunch of his classmates. He is graduating from high school on Thursday, June 12. sob, sob, sob, sob.

The Sea Hag is still prohibiting us from seeing Swee'Pea. I called Popeye yesterday and asked him whether they had discussed our coming down to visit them. He told me that he has been "too busy" to even think about it. Yep, I started to cry and couldn't continue the conversation. Why, oh why, do I keep torturing myself about this? I want to see my son and my granddaughter, but it's not going to happen unless he leaves the Sea Hag. My husband even called him and my son told him that the Sea Hag is "a crazy bitch and that he didn't want to get her riled up again".

Good news? Most of my flowers are planted – I’ll show you them when I get that *&%0@ laptop working again!

Also, my Mom told me that my telling her that I was not going to drive her to work really woke her up and helped her gain back control over her own life and my Dad is driving again - ok, Dad back on the road may not be a good thing, but at least he is getting up and out of bed and he's living his life again too.

My daughter is taking a summer class for college and working part time and listening to me bitch about the Sea Hag and cry about her favorite little brother. God bless L.J. - I couldn't survive without her.

12:07 - 2008-06-03


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